Lovely Short Dream Lesson I’ve Found

While leafing through an old Notebook–filled with Poetry, Insights, Essays, etc–I came Across this very short, May 20, 2004 Entry of a Dream Lesson I’d woken-up with, in my head. Here it is:

“To whom do you offer assistance?” Was the question posed by the Traveler;

“To Everyone, according to Their needs,” was the reply given.

__________________
Do with this what you may! ma89🌸

Since my Knowings of Life, give me an Understanding that: “Coincidences are God’s way of pointing us into a certain action, or direction,” I tend to Follow the .

I was actually looking for a Poem I wished to Post, and ran straight into this Dream, instead. It would be Nice if whoever this Entry Speaks to, or be Useful for, in some ways, to let us know, and see where it takes us.

Have a Lovely Day, filled with the Principles of the Sanskrit word: “Namastè” ma89🌸

A Milestone Reached :))

Hi Fellow Bloggers and Friends in these wonderful Virtual WP Communities:

You’re now Reading the Musings of Your newly-Minted “Shihen Gendai (Level IV, Sage/Teacher) Certified Reiki Master;” a culmination of nearly three (3) years Training and ReikiShare Practicing, under the Wonderful Mentorship of Mark Flamand (he’s got lots of Titles, but is not big on them 😉 in this Respect, I’ll follow in his Footsteps, and not even place my (well-earned, mind you) “Reiki Master” Title in my own mini-Business Cards. 

While discussing it with someone the title “Sage” was suggested, to which I replied: “Wouldn’t that be a little too ‘Self-Aggrandizing‘?” Their reply: “Not in Your Case, it isn’t!…”

Mulling over it, several days, I finally came to Agree with him. You see, at first, it wasn’t my Intention on obtaining Level IV (Master), unless you plan on Teaching it. At the time I wasn’t planning to.

Two years went by, I progressed through Levels I, II, and III and by Level II, I found myself Frequently explaining Reiki to others–consequently, re-thinking my Choices, I Figured, having already been Teaching many Others the Basics of Reiki, anyway, at that point-and Only at that point, did I make the decision to take the “Master” Level.

One of the biggest reasons I didn’t feel the need for this Title was the fact, I’d been Noticing Masters came in many Levels of Aware-Wakefulness; Of Skills; Of…(I can’t quite Put my Finger…)… on the Ineffable Quality–in conducting their Lives– I believed a Master ought to adhere to…!

I don’t mean to be Judgemental, but in our (Reiki) Community I met way too many “Masters” Who neither Walk their Talk, (or Title), nor have any wish for Engaging in Teaching, yet their Business Card has “Master” in Bold Letters while their Name below is Plain Type. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

Thus, with such a Gratuitous, enormous Proliferation of this Term, I decided not to use it!! I can choose the Term “Sage,” w/o feeling I’m Self-Agrandizing my ego. After all, this same Person had already been telling me I was a “Sage,” a “Teacher,” and “…when will you accept ‘donning’ that hat?” was his frequent question.

I wasn’t Ready then, but Am now. Tomorrow night my “Esoteric” teaching debut takes place, when I’ll hold a Class on Runes 101, I’m a little Nervous, Aprehensive…, to be teaching a Roomfull of Sensitives–Psychics, Mediums, Claivoyants, other Runes-Casters, etc, something that–though Scary-Good at it, I’m Self-Taught!

Lets Hope that in my Debut as a Sage I don’t fall flat in my face

Namastè Everyone ma89🌸

What Makes a Friendship, a *Friend*-*ship?*

(by Necessity, this wil have to be sort of Generic, and non-specific to either time nor circumstance--lest anyone may be adversely 
affected)

It is incredibly frustrating–dealing with the vagaries of living with Attention Deficit Disorder; 4 Concussions, (3 in my Childhood, from falling, or running away from Bullies; one from being Assaulted at a Drive-in Theater, as a Young Adultall four Injuring the back of the Head, right at the bottom of the Skull; all four affecting my Frontal Lobe–nowadays, though the causes (war, rather than childhood carelessness, bullies) are different, the resulting “TBI,” or “Post-Concussive Syndrome”  is identical, and devastating.

When One must go through Life, with these added (Invisibly pervasively-disruptive, yet nearly-undetectable), dis-Abilities, misunderstandings, missed-out Social Cues, misinterpreted Actions, Disastrous Decisions, and/or Reactions are indeed par for the course, and (hard as it may be to Forgive OneSelf One’s perceived Guilt, or Pain), it is at these times it is Imperative we Lift Up our View, striving to See the Bigger Picture(s).

It is also Essential to Cultivate within One’s Self the Capacity of Total and Complete Forgiveness of Self–for Your Actions; of Others–for becoming inadvertently Hurt, (at times) Furious, (frequently) Angry and Frustrated enough to End the formerly Great Friendship. When this occurs, I’m unsure to Whom I feel more Compassion, and Sorrow for: The Friend, who in their Hurt State of Mind, Huffs and Puffs, indignantly, (leading the Other to make even more Confused, likely-uneeded, premature, impulsive, regrettable) Decisions–the Friendship Cracked Open…; Friends-no more; or the Other, who in their Unreliably Frontal Lobe’s Confusion and Perplexing Thought Process, Acts, or Says Something Irrevocably-Unpardonable…, at least, by the average Human Being, anyway–only to (if not immediately), soon after, albeit, too late, wish they could take it back.

For the Second time in five (5) years, my (Invisibly dis-)Abled, (miswired) Brain, caused a Rift with the second of my two Best Friends–Who, in turn, (Interpreting my Innocently-Meant Efforts at Mitigating a Greater Stress on the Friendship), as Insultingly-Disrespectful; I’ve no Idea, at this time, whether and if our Friendship can or will survive my brain’s malfeasance.

The Consequences from Miscommunicated Intentions            

(It’s been three months, since I began writing this; and truthfully, I don’t remember where I intended to go with this. Nonetheless, the portions I Had written before, are still relevant. Moreover, anyone who experiences any and/or all the above or similar conditions, will Understand perfectly where I intended to go with it, and be able to fill in the blanks. As for me, frankly, apologizing constantly gets old very fast…, it can even get you fired–this latter one I’ve experienced myself, so I Know it to be True! Therefore, no apologies for an unfinished post; the Third One in One day–Oops! I must be Manic😞…                                                           

Bipolar : After an Angry/Violent Episode

A few months ago, my Best Friend and I, (both of us having Manic Depressiion), had a falling out, over the conditions in my apt.(she tends to forget my “Invisible dis-Abilities” only now, brought to light). Once she was done sermonizing me, a few “less than delicate” words were exchanged–we parted in unfriendly terms. Though I’d texted her forbidding her from telling anyone what she’d seen, she did report me to the Housing and shortly after, I was notified of an out-of-season Inspection. Because she’d shown signs of becoming abusive in her Textings to me, soon after we fell out, I sent her a rueful Text, saying I was sorry but I was temporarily blocking out her number. She must still be mad at me (shouldn’t it be me mad at her?). Missing her Frienship, I’ve recently Unblocked her Number, and sent her a Friendly Text letting her know of it. She hasn’t replied.

My point being: We, Manic Depressives have such Passionate hot heads, it is HARD for us to back off, once we made a mistake–especially, when we think we’re right. I think in Warda’s and mine case, we BOTH made mistakes: 1. Her, for judging me, without knowing (acknowledging) all the facts; and 2. Me, for my poor way of handling it (forbidding her from divulging it, which translated into the VERY THING I didn’t wish to see happen (fear of a surprise inspectiom). Ultimately, the decision to resume the (much missed) Friendship, rests on her choice now. I’ve reached out to he via Texting, and a Phone call (I SO-dislike caller ids). Now, I’ll wait and see, and–though I do realize some of her behaviors and actions are a function of our mutual Conditions, and therefore, not truly “her fault”–another function of Manic Depression is an inordinate sense of Pride; this one is more difficult to recognize for what it is, and accept, so we may deal with it (such as in apologizing). Unfortunately, Warda will never do that; consequently, our Friendship dwindles, and will continue to do so, into just a Memory 👣, sadly!

Watch “Angellis Traballium by Clarisse℠ ©(P)1995; ©(V.P)…” on YouTube

Angellis Traballium by Clarisse ©(P)1995; ©(V.P) 2015

Well, All efforts to get this video published any other way have failed. I’m giving it another try–wish I could afford to go Premium, I’d publish an entire Album of my Piano Music.

OTOH, soon, I’ll be moving closer to my Spiritual Family–and there’s this Gorgeous, (and Gorgeous-sounding), 100-yr-old, very well-kept Cunningham Concert Grand Upright waiting for me, as soon as I move.

Problem is: Life keeps getting in the way of my moving–the latest, being finding out that only is there Nerve Damage, between my feet and spine; I’ve “mysteriously” developed “Scoliosis,” never before detected, and worst yet, learning that my “Falling” and “Walking as if I’m drunk” is partially ‘cuz “…apparently one of my legs is longer than the other…”

Why did it take 60 years, a 5-yr stint in a wheelchair (actually, 3 chairs), a failed marriage, when my Rock-Singing husband again felt Music’s Irresistible Siren call (look up Warren Jeffrey Motter), and, as a Musician myself, I understood it, and though initially I missed him, of course; eventually, I got over it, and am Happy for him following his Muse.

Why did it take at least two (2) Decades’-worth of searching for the answer, from Doctor, to Doctor, to Doctor, from Houston, from York, to Hershey, to Johns Hopkins, back to York…, (I’ll finish this later, or I’ll be late for Church tomorrow…)

Meanwhile, Shut-off your “Golden Ears” and enjoy the Music, overlooking the fact my Baldwin piano is now untuneable. The Song and ITS Message are What Matters.

Namastè,

(Note, my Posts, by nature, will reflect what is foremost in my mind, be it Health, Mental, Spiritual, Activist, etc. This blog is not meant to be in a Popularity Contest–and I know many of you feel the same way about your Blogs 😉
__________
(Entry from previous, failed post, introing same song:

Hi Everyone, Since I’m having soo much trouble Uploading this Video directly onto Gaea’s Midwife’s (Sister site to this one)–and since on my very first aattempt at Linking it with this Site…, I can “get” a hint: It appears the Universe wishes for this Musical Interlude be here, in my ma89 site, rather than the gaea’s midwife site.

So, here it is! Short and sweet; my 1995 Original Piece, “Angellis Traballium” (perhaps, sometime, soon, I’ll tell the Story of how it came into Existence, because I KNOW it’s a Story worth telling). Angellis Traballium by Clarisse

Namastè Everyone, and Enjoy! (WARNING: “Golden Eareds” are advised to skip it, lest your hearing goes out of tune 😉 (see notes on the youtube site). 😉

An “About me” that became a Post

About Me: Artist, Journalist, Piano Composer, Performer; Lifelong Advocate for Acommodations, for the “Invisibly dis-Abled”, on Par to That Afforded and Accorded to both: the Physically, and Intellectually-Challenged Populations, but NOT Us! There are Unjust, Asinine Laws in place, SPECIFICALLY SINGLING-OUT the Neuro-Biologically dis-Abled, for INFERIOR, USSR-like, LIMITED “(Mental) Health Care.”

We’re stuck with mediocre “5-minute-‘psychiatrists’,” who never bother making eye-contact, herding us, into their make-shift “Office,” eyes stuck on their Laptops; ask a few Pre-set questions, click “send” on the computer, with their prescriptions renewal directly to your Pharmacy; gets up from their chair, walks towards the door, herding you right out–THERE’s NO HUMAN INTERACTION, WHATSOEVER! (Speaking with other Individuals, from other Counties, we’ve concluded this to be a Wide Phenomenon, not just in my County).

This neglect by design of my Group of Individuals (see Blog‘s Name) is an abhorrent way of dealing with the 1 in 4 Americans, who’ll experience such circumstances in their Lifetimes! And, BTW, (at least in my State), if One is a “Dual Eligible” Patient (i.e.: Have Both Medicare AND Medicaid)–Psychiatrically-speaking–One is literally “Screwed

By LAW, EVEN IF WE PAY CASH TO THE PSYCHIATRIST OF OUR CHOICE, IT’s ILLEGAL FOR THAT PSYCHIATRIST TO SEE YOU…, (I know! I had a Hard time Believing it, too…, until I Researched it, and found there was Indeed such a Law).

(Considering all the Propaganda, and Fear-Mongering going on in the Mainstream media, about “Mentally-Disturbed,” and worst, as “Souless Killers“), this “Law” is one of the most Absurd, Discriminatory, Dangerous, Ridiculous, Asinine, Preposterous, Corrupt Laws I’ve ever heard about.

And furthermore, it is Taylor-made to affect an already-Embattled, Maligned, unjustly Feared, unjustly Treated, easily-killed by “Authorities, (barely) trained in Mental Health Issues…,

the most extremely Vulnerable of ALL this Country‘s…, Nay, the World’s Populations–those with Severe Mental Illness, (now quaintly designated within the Medical and Insuring Professions: “SMIs which is one more way to: 1. Dehumanize us/further exacerbating Stigma; and 2. Dilute out the Significance of the Truth:

“We’re Individuals, going through Life, with the Added Burden of Living and Dealing with one (or more) SEVERE MENTAL ILLNESS…,” (“SMIs!” How quaintly Insulting this Acronym is)!

Au Contraire–In SPITE of this Willful Neglect by Society and Authorities alike; In SPITE of Stigma, We’re thriving, as Artists, Writers, Poets, Painters, Thinkers, Visionaries, Presidents, Movers and Shakers, Governors, Cultural Creatives,…, ALL OF WHOM carry within themSelves this awful Stigma-based Secret:what’‘ll happen if my Constituency (my Fans, my Board of Directors, the Guy Running for Office, who suddenly stopped answering your Communications, for whom you were to play the Piano…) finds out I’m on an “Anti-Mania,” or an “Anti-Psychotic,” or an “Anti-Anxiety” Medication?

I’ll be ‘Ruined’!” So they Distance themselves from You…, as if You’ve the Plague!

Of course, in a Society ruled by sane people, this scenario wouldn’t occur. Too bad the opposite is the Truth.

I’m Done! (With the Diatribe portion).


I may Write about much and diverse Subjects, most gleaned from my Own “Buttons”–which Life has pushed on me–to figure out how to deal with.

Underneath it ALL, the Underlying “raisón d’être” for All I Do, Comes Back to a Single Purpose: “Living and Dealing with Life–its challenges, epiphanies, Spiritual Growth and Joy, whilst Surviving and Thriving In Spite of a DevastatinglyLife-and-Relationships-Disrupting Condition called: “Manic Depression.” (I don’t like calling it “Bipolar” as there are huge amounts of Misinformation, Misconception and Double-Speak in its “Bipolar-…” Nomenclature).


It’s Time I’d Show the World the Real “Face of “Mental Illness:” (mine)

Featured image

Photo, Self-Portrait, by Clarisse, 2011, PA, USA

Here it is, World: The Face of an “SMI” Individual!.

(Do I Look “Crazy” to You?) Me neither!


Finally: What Defines me Best?

I’m An Advocate! Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow…, until my Natural Transition Time comes.🙂 ma89

Started new “Gaea-Centric” Blog

Hi Everyone, for over 20 years I’ve been working through the Maze that a Seeker–who is after a Whole-Life, Meaning of Life and such, type of thing, and not a fear-based/carrot on a stick type of “Spiritual” (as opposed to “religious”)–must come to terms that all those Insights, Epiphanies, (and so much more) I’ve Experienced, should become part of the “Commons,” (in other words:shared).

To that end, I’ve just established a Sister-Blog, called “Gaea’s Midwife” at http://gaeasmidwife.wordpress.com.

If all goes as planned, my first Entry will coincide with the Summer Solstice, and a little Surprise ;). I’ll be playing the piano during this morning’s Service’s Meditationm at a small Metaphysical Chapel, I go to, on Sundays. I like this Group a great deal, have many Friends, and enjoy our Fellowship.

As for”Gaea’s Midwife” blog, I’ll strive to maintain both. This doesn’t mean I won’t continue writing here; I just felt that both “Mom” and “Baby Gaea” should have their Own, separate blog. Namastè, ma89 aka gaea’s midwife