Category Archives: I Am

Celebrating manicartist89’s OneYear Anniversary :)) Yoohoo!!

Wow! Hard to believe it has already been one year, since I first launched manicartist89; Time sure went by incredibly fast. 

Since this (and all subsequent Anniversaries) will fall just to the side of the New Year, I’ll begin a Tradition Online, which I’ve been using for myself nearly 20 years or more  

You see, the Traditionally-established custom of “New Years Resolutions” is, in my way of Knowings, an Insidiously Destructive and Self-Defeating Practice, both Psychologically and Pathologically. 

Over twenty years ago–recognizing its destructiveness–I began a new Tradition, which has served me quite well; rather than being Self-defeating and Deflating, my Practice is Uplifting, Heart-Warming, Encouraging, Strengthening…, all the Good Stuff the other one lacks.

On New Year’s Eve:

  •  I Cleanse both my Physical, Spiritual and Ambiental Space, through Prayer, Incense Burning and Cleansing Body, Mind, and Home;
  • Once that’s done, my Spirit ready: I pick up my Journal, write a few Introductory Comments; I
  • Do a Mental Self-Assessment of the past year’s Successes, struggles, failures, and Overcoming Adversity (the latter being a really important one to acknowledge), Focusing Primarily on How Miraculous a Life this is, I’m experiencing–Listing only the Positive, Growth-Promoting, Successes, large and small;
  • I pick 10 of the Most Important and Meaningful, Perenially-Lasting Ones, List them one by one, with a one-liner commentary;
  • Re-Read them, Bless them, in Gratitude, Release them onto the Journal’s Page(s), all I’ve Victoriously Overcame, or (against all Odds), have Accomplished;
  • After that, I either Meditate for a short while, and/or pick-up my “Runes,” and do a Spread with a Simple, never-changing    

    Question: “What are the Aspects of the one or two most Salient, Important, Significant, or Paradigm-Shifting things, coming up in the Year beginning just now?”

    I then, insert my Right Hand inside the Bag , as I Shake it, to ensure the Runes Stones are well mixed, I pay attention to the ones remaining on my palm–usually between 1 and 3 stones; (over the years, I’ve come to comprehend there are no such things as “true” randomness, nor “coincidences,”only the Universe’s means of Guiding us, one Epiphany at a time–and from my Personal Experience, I’ve come to Learn much about the “Meaning of Life”-stuff, we all grapple with, from time to time, simply through this yearly practice. 

The following year, I re-read the Runes info, from the Previous year, and am always floored by their accuracy, though every New Year’s spread appears cryptic and/or incomprehensible the day they’re cast, a year later, I’m always Shocked at their accuracy. 

Thus, though it is not my place to insist everyOne should be Switching from a negative, self-esteem eroding practice such as “New Year’s Resolutions,” (or casting Runes), into the Uplifting, Encouraging, Self-Esteem-Strengthening, Positivity-building Practice, such what I call: “My Accomplishments List, for the Year 20__, “Life’s little Paradigm, guess what’ll be my First Item on this 2015 years’ List?

Manicartist89‘s 1-year Anniversary, of course–and I have All of You Who have Liked my Posts, made comments on this or that–I’ve even Enjoyed and Learned from, the Little Private “Sparring Argument” I had with another Blogger!

So, To Every-One, Who HAVE or WILL READ this BLOG: 

Thank You! My Followers, my Occasional Readers, my Friends, Family, from Here…, and the “Beyond:”

May the New Year of 2016 (a “9” in Numerology, indicating the Ending of one Cycle and the beginning of a New One, imagine It: Pregnant with New Possibilities, New Choices, New Roads to be Taken…, how exciting is that?), Bring to You, Yours, Your Loved Ones, (and Yes: even greatest Teachers: Your Detractors, Your Enemies), Everything Your Innermost Heart Wishes for, especially that which is for Yours and their Highest Good, Spiritual Growth, Evolution, and Experience of that which is the. Highest of All Laws: “Treating All, as You Too would like to Be Treated,” (in other words: Love–Total Acceptance, Unconditional, Unjudgemental, Non-Interfering…–💕LOVE💗

Namastè Every-One, 😀 ma89🌸

    Lovely Short Dream Lesson I’ve Found

    While leafing through an old Notebook–filled with Poetry, Insights, Essays, etc–I came Across this very short, May 20, 2004 Entry of a Dream Lesson I’d woken-up with, in my head. Here it is:

    “To whom do you offer assistance?” Was the question posed by the Traveler;

    “To Everyone, according to Their needs,” was the reply given.

    __________________
    Do with this what you may! ma89🌸

    Since my Knowings of Life, give me an Understanding that: “Coincidences are God’s way of pointing us into a certain action, or direction,” I tend to Follow the .

    I was actually looking for a Poem I wished to Post, and ran straight into this Dream, instead. It would be Nice if whoever this Entry Speaks to, or be Useful for, in some ways, to let us know, and see where it takes us.

    Have a Lovely Day, filled with the Principles of the Sanskrit word: “Namastè” ma89🌸

    A Milestone Reached :))

    Hi Fellow Bloggers and Friends in these wonderful Virtual WP Communities:

    You’re now Reading the Musings of Your newly-Minted “Shihen Gendai (Level IV, Sage/Teacher) Certified Reiki Master;” a culmination of nearly three (3) years Training and ReikiShare Practicing, under the Wonderful Mentorship of Mark Flamand (he’s got lots of Titles, but is not big on them 😉 in this Respect, I’ll follow in his Footsteps, and not even place my (well-earned, mind you) “Reiki Master” Title in my own mini-Business Cards. 

    While discussing it with someone the title “Sage” was suggested, to which I replied: “Wouldn’t that be a little too ‘Self-Aggrandizing‘?” Their reply: “Not in Your Case, it isn’t!…”

    Mulling over it, several days, I finally came to Agree with him. You see, at first, it wasn’t my Intention on obtaining Level IV (Master), unless you plan on Teaching it. At the time I wasn’t planning to.

    Two years went by, I progressed through Levels I, II, and III and by Level II, I found myself Frequently explaining Reiki to others–consequently, re-thinking my Choices, I Figured, having already been Teaching many Others the Basics of Reiki, anyway, at that point-and Only at that point, did I make the decision to take the “Master” Level.

    One of the biggest reasons I didn’t feel the need for this Title was the fact, I’d been Noticing Masters came in many Levels of Aware-Wakefulness; Of Skills; Of…(I can’t quite Put my Finger…)… on the Ineffable Quality–in conducting their Lives– I believed a Master ought to adhere to…!

    I don’t mean to be Judgemental, but in our (Reiki) Community I met way too many “Masters” Who neither Walk their Talk, (or Title), nor have any wish for Engaging in Teaching, yet their Business Card has “Master” in Bold Letters while their Name below is Plain Type. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

    Thus, with such a Gratuitous, enormous Proliferation of this Term, I decided not to use it!! I can choose the Term “Sage,” w/o feeling I’m Self-Agrandizing my ego. After all, this same Person had already been telling me I was a “Sage,” a “Teacher,” and “…when will you accept ‘donning’ that hat?” was his frequent question.

    I wasn’t Ready then, but Am now. Tomorrow night my “Esoteric” teaching debut takes place, when I’ll hold a Class on Runes 101, I’m a little Nervous, Aprehensive…, to be teaching a Roomfull of Sensitives–Psychics, Mediums, Claivoyants, other Runes-Casters, etc, something that–though Scary-Good at it, I’m Self-Taught!

    Lets Hope that in my Debut as a Sage I don’t fall flat in my face

    Namastè Everyone ma89🌸

    Watch “Angellis Traballium by Clarisse℠ ©(P)1995; ©(V.P)…” on YouTube

    Angellis Traballium by Clarisse ©(P)1995; ©(V.P) 2015

    Well, All efforts to get this video published any other way have failed. I’m giving it another try–wish I could afford to go Premium, I’d publish an entire Album of my Piano Music.

    OTOH, soon, I’ll be moving closer to my Spiritual Family–and there’s this Gorgeous, (and Gorgeous-sounding), 100-yr-old, very well-kept Cunningham Concert Grand Upright waiting for me, as soon as I move.

    Problem is: Life keeps getting in the way of my moving–the latest, being finding out that only is there Nerve Damage, between my feet and spine; I’ve “mysteriously” developed “Scoliosis,” never before detected, and worst yet, learning that my “Falling” and “Walking as if I’m drunk” is partially ‘cuz “…apparently one of my legs is longer than the other…”

    Why did it take 60 years, a 5-yr stint in a wheelchair (actually, 3 chairs), a failed marriage, when my Rock-Singing husband again felt Music’s Irresistible Siren call (look up Warren Jeffrey Motter), and, as a Musician myself, I understood it, and though initially I missed him, of course; eventually, I got over it, and am Happy for him following his Muse.

    Why did it take at least two (2) Decades’-worth of searching for the answer, from Doctor, to Doctor, to Doctor, from Houston, from York, to Hershey, to Johns Hopkins, back to York…, (I’ll finish this later, or I’ll be late for Church tomorrow…)

    Meanwhile, Shut-off your “Golden Ears” and enjoy the Music, overlooking the fact my Baldwin piano is now untuneable. The Song and ITS Message are What Matters.

    Namastè,

    (Note, my Posts, by nature, will reflect what is foremost in my mind, be it Health, Mental, Spiritual, Activist, etc. This blog is not meant to be in a Popularity Contest–and I know many of you feel the same way about your Blogs 😉
    __________
    (Entry from previous, failed post, introing same song:

    Hi Everyone, Since I’m having soo much trouble Uploading this Video directly onto Gaea’s Midwife’s (Sister site to this one)–and since on my very first aattempt at Linking it with this Site…, I can “get” a hint: It appears the Universe wishes for this Musical Interlude be here, in my ma89 site, rather than the gaea’s midwife site.

    So, here it is! Short and sweet; my 1995 Original Piece, “Angellis Traballium” (perhaps, sometime, soon, I’ll tell the Story of how it came into Existence, because I KNOW it’s a Story worth telling). Angellis Traballium by Clarisse

    Namastè Everyone, and Enjoy! (WARNING: “Golden Eareds” are advised to skip it, lest your hearing goes out of tune 😉 (see notes on the youtube site). 😉

    An “About me” that became a Post

    About Me: Artist, Journalist, Piano Composer, Performer; Lifelong Advocate for Acommodations, for the “Invisibly dis-Abled”, on Par to That Afforded and Accorded to both: the Physically, and Intellectually-Challenged Populations, but NOT Us! There are Unjust, Asinine Laws in place, SPECIFICALLY SINGLING-OUT the Neuro-Biologically dis-Abled, for INFERIOR, USSR-like, LIMITED “(Mental) Health Care.”

    We’re stuck with mediocre “5-minute-‘psychiatrists’,” who never bother making eye-contact, herding us, into their make-shift “Office,” eyes stuck on their Laptops; ask a few Pre-set questions, click “send” on the computer, with their prescriptions renewal directly to your Pharmacy; gets up from their chair, walks towards the door, herding you right out–THERE’s NO HUMAN INTERACTION, WHATSOEVER! (Speaking with other Individuals, from other Counties, we’ve concluded this to be a Wide Phenomenon, not just in my County).

    This neglect by design of my Group of Individuals (see Blog‘s Name) is an abhorrent way of dealing with the 1 in 4 Americans, who’ll experience such circumstances in their Lifetimes! And, BTW, (at least in my State), if One is a “Dual Eligible” Patient (i.e.: Have Both Medicare AND Medicaid)–Psychiatrically-speaking–One is literally “Screwed

    By LAW, EVEN IF WE PAY CASH TO THE PSYCHIATRIST OF OUR CHOICE, IT’s ILLEGAL FOR THAT PSYCHIATRIST TO SEE YOU…, (I know! I had a Hard time Believing it, too…, until I Researched it, and found there was Indeed such a Law).

    (Considering all the Propaganda, and Fear-Mongering going on in the Mainstream media, about “Mentally-Disturbed,” and worst, as “Souless Killers“), this “Law” is one of the most Absurd, Discriminatory, Dangerous, Ridiculous, Asinine, Preposterous, Corrupt Laws I’ve ever heard about.

    And furthermore, it is Taylor-made to affect an already-Embattled, Maligned, unjustly Feared, unjustly Treated, easily-killed by “Authorities, (barely) trained in Mental Health Issues…,

    the most extremely Vulnerable of ALL this Country‘s…, Nay, the World’s Populations–those with Severe Mental Illness, (now quaintly designated within the Medical and Insuring Professions: “SMIs which is one more way to: 1. Dehumanize us/further exacerbating Stigma; and 2. Dilute out the Significance of the Truth:

    “We’re Individuals, going through Life, with the Added Burden of Living and Dealing with one (or more) SEVERE MENTAL ILLNESS…,” (“SMIs!” How quaintly Insulting this Acronym is)!

    Au Contraire–In SPITE of this Willful Neglect by Society and Authorities alike; In SPITE of Stigma, We’re thriving, as Artists, Writers, Poets, Painters, Thinkers, Visionaries, Presidents, Movers and Shakers, Governors, Cultural Creatives,…, ALL OF WHOM carry within themSelves this awful Stigma-based Secret:what’‘ll happen if my Constituency (my Fans, my Board of Directors, the Guy Running for Office, who suddenly stopped answering your Communications, for whom you were to play the Piano…) finds out I’m on an “Anti-Mania,” or an “Anti-Psychotic,” or an “Anti-Anxiety” Medication?

    I’ll be ‘Ruined’!” So they Distance themselves from You…, as if You’ve the Plague!

    Of course, in a Society ruled by sane people, this scenario wouldn’t occur. Too bad the opposite is the Truth.

    I’m Done! (With the Diatribe portion).


    I may Write about much and diverse Subjects, most gleaned from my Own “Buttons”–which Life has pushed on me–to figure out how to deal with.

    Underneath it ALL, the Underlying “raisón d’être” for All I Do, Comes Back to a Single Purpose: “Living and Dealing with Life–its challenges, epiphanies, Spiritual Growth and Joy, whilst Surviving and Thriving In Spite of a DevastatinglyLife-and-Relationships-Disrupting Condition called: “Manic Depression.” (I don’t like calling it “Bipolar” as there are huge amounts of Misinformation, Misconception and Double-Speak in its “Bipolar-…” Nomenclature).


    It’s Time I’d Show the World the Real “Face of “Mental Illness:” (mine)

    Featured image

    Photo, Self-Portrait, by Clarisse, 2011, PA, USA

    Here it is, World: The Face of an “SMI” Individual!.

    (Do I Look “Crazy” to You?) Me neither!


    Finally: What Defines me Best?

    I’m An Advocate! Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow…, until my Natural Transition Time comes.🙂 ma89

    Started new “Gaea-Centric” Blog

    Hi Everyone, for over 20 years I’ve been working through the Maze that a Seeker–who is after a Whole-Life, Meaning of Life and such, type of thing, and not a fear-based/carrot on a stick type of “Spiritual” (as opposed to “religious”)–must come to terms that all those Insights, Epiphanies, (and so much more) I’ve Experienced, should become part of the “Commons,” (in other words:shared).

    To that end, I’ve just established a Sister-Blog, called “Gaea’s Midwife” at http://gaeasmidwife.wordpress.com.

    If all goes as planned, my first Entry will coincide with the Summer Solstice, and a little Surprise ;). I’ll be playing the piano during this morning’s Service’s Meditationm at a small Metaphysical Chapel, I go to, on Sundays. I like this Group a great deal, have many Friends, and enjoy our Fellowship.

    As for”Gaea’s Midwife” blog, I’ll strive to maintain both. This doesn’t mean I won’t continue writing here; I just felt that both “Mom” and “Baby Gaea” should have their Own, separate blog. Namastè, ma89 aka gaea’s midwife

    A Pause for Blue Ribbon Minds Month

    Hi, This entry is in Response to a Story Re a Secret Vid Released by an Incarcerated Transgender Woman. Since–though a Hetero, myself–I personally do have LGBTH Friends, these Issues touch me.

    OTOH, since May is “Blue Ribbon Minds Month”–and I’ve been carrying this story with me, it happened to me, in 2012–I’m now making it Public here, for the first Time.

    (Please Note This entry was originally written, as a Comment on Someone else’s Blog. Since it became so long, I placed it here, instead): l

    The same problem (forbiddance of ANYTHING with a Mic and/or Camera, along with severe maltreatment by staff) also exists in Hospital (Adult “Baby-Sitting”) “Psych” Wards–supposedly “treating” the Vulnerable Individuals , who are placed there, Voluntarily or involuntarily. For the Record, this isn’t something like “Hearsay ,” or any such thing! As my Blog’s Name implies: “manicartist…” I’m an Individual with a Genetically-Inherited, Lifelong (Blessing in Disguise) condition, called “Manic Depression,” (currently fadishely called “Bipolar… This, or That.“). Frankly, from what I’ve personally experienced, on five separate, vastly different occasions, under different circumstances–with, but a Single Exception, at an Expensive, Private, “Hospital” which appeared more a Resort SPA, than a Psychiatric Hospital–Three of the Five Hospitals had Staff and Policies, not unlike that mid-1970s’ Movie, “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,” (with Jack Nicholson), most even had the Quintessential “Nurse Ratchet,” One, in Houston, Texas, had both, Ratchet, an Overly-muscled Bully…err Security guard, so big his standing in the Middle of the Lock up Ward, left little space for the actual Patients

    I Often Felt it was THEY, the Ones, Who Should Be Locked-Up, by the ” Men in the White Coats;” Not Us In my View, the level of…, (passive-aggressive…, dare I say: bordering on Cruel…), their Behavior towards Us is not Only Extremely Traumatizing, Inhumane…, It was/Is Downright Criminal!

    Therefore, the Issue here, is HOW WE’RE TREATED, while (essentially) “Incarcerated.”

    My Experience was nothing Healthy. It was all Harrowingly Traumatizing–and this is the 1st time I make it Public, (after all, May IS “Blue Ribbon Minds” Month).

    It was late May, 2012; my Youngest Son was about to go on a Year-long Bicycle/Camping Trip, through Eurasia, starting with 2.5 months in China, always going West.

    My stress Level was extremely High, but otherwise–though Worried, as any Loving Mother, in her Right Mind, Would–I was Stable.

    Since my “15-minute Psychiatrist” wasn’t the type to Listen to me, I’d made a timed 15-Min Video of myself, hoping to simply give him a “Heads-Up” of what type of Motherly ordeal I was about to go through, until Mid-2013.

    As Someone who Lives with a set of Conditions such as mine, I Believed it The Responsibly sensible thing to Do.

    Boy, was I WRONG! <

    Since I did have a history of Suicide Attempts–the last being nearly 30 years ago, and I no longer believed in such Solution to problems–I naively told him on the Video, using the big "S" word he needn't worry, due to my Knowings (ie: Reincarnation, etc), such wouldn’t be cause of concern.

    Before he even finished the Video, he put my iPod Touch down, took some Notes, made a brief Phone call, and in about 10-15 minutes, I was met outside his office by 2 Female Nurses, accompanied by 2 “Butchie” (man-like) Female Armed Guards; all 4 of whom stayed with me until the Ambulance Arrived.

    Immediately upon spotting the guns, a rising m yet well-guarded Panic attack began rising within me. Since I was nicely dressed in a Classy Paisley Midi, split Skirt, and Matching sleeveless Blouse, and my Hair was up done Casually but Stylishly, I don’t wear Makeup, they did treat me with Dry Cordiality.

    During the Ride, fearing the worst, And seized by a Panic Attack, I made the mistake of Deleting my Video Message…, Now I had No proof my (former) Psychiatrist’d lie through his teeth about my condition, both for my Admission, and 5 days later to a Judge, trying to keep me in, 21 additional days.

    Upon arrival at “3North” Ward, (as it is known by the community), I was dispossessed of EVERYTHING, sandals and all; all I was allowed to keep were my Skirt, panty, and Blouse, no Bra Allowed, no Hair Pins, only a Simple HeairBand for a Ponny tail was given me. For the next five (5) days, I was systematically DENIED Medications I needed, whilst Medicated with Medication I’d taken in the past with bad Results…, this latter, and their Refusal at providing me Valerian Root tea (Nature’s Xanax), and Dandelion Root tea (Nature’s Valium), somehow Uninhibited my “No-Cussing” self-Policy, and every day at around 2pm, out came the extremely Labile, Saylor-Mouthed (someone else from within me, I could neither stop, nor recognize) who did not let up her Cynicism, Mouthiness, Rudeness (Mind you, this behavior was strictly directed To Staff and Doctors, alike, NOT other Patients, with most of Whom, I got along quite well).

    I also couldn’t stop being ultra-cynnical, (reportedly) Disruptive, during the Silliest of Groups, we had each afternoon–led by a(n obviously-untrained) Nurse’s Aide, going through the “News” of the day ,(all-Censored, of course), from the local Newspaper.

    Since my Bachelors is Print Journalism, with a large Dose of Philosophy (E and W), including Self-audited Courses from Oxford University’s Philosophy Dept, via Podcasts, in Critical Thinking, Logic, and Anything else Prof. Marianne Talbot would Lecture about.

    I’d uncontrollably blurt out what I thought of those “News.”

    All the same, not just me, we were all Infantilized, treated as if we were two-year-olds, yet expected to Behave to Staff and each other like Mature, Stable, 50-Something Un-Medicated Individuals…

    The way we were treated with threats of being locked in our rooms, for hours, the Lack of Real Activities, being made fun of, not being listened to–treated worse than children, all of it, has allowed me to (years later), realize WHY they confiscated my Sole Source of Meditative Music and Uplifting, Anxiety-Reducing Device (my iPod Touch): not only did it have a Mic and Camera, it could also record Vids, and connect to the Outside, Via WiFi.

    Thus, ultimately, like the Transgender Woman and her Treatment in the Georgia Jail, Mirrors somewhat, HOW we, the so-called “Mentally Ill” have, are, and still will be, in the foreseable future, “Treated” either in Jail or in Hospital’s Psych Wards. The Total Lack of Freedom, and Truly Insane Treatment we’re dished-out, is nearly the same.

    In my Case, the Hospital’s staff always searched Visitors and whatever was brought to me. They also would do “sweeps” of our rooms when we were busy elsewhere in the ward–things disappeared, went to the wrong side, from where they’d been…, our Fragile Minds made even more Fragile by their totally incompetent, Inhumane, Idiotic, Unnecessarily Cruel, Infantilizing OverDrugging, Poor-Food Choices (I’m Vegetarian & they literally made fun of my refusing to eat meat, esp. when I said I didn’t wish to “lower my Energetic Frequency, by doing so…” (something which is perfectly Normal in my System of Understanding of Life). Their comment to the Doctor about this, was Ignorantly disparaging, at best; Utterly Incompetent, at its Worst.

    Reading about this Secret Video, made me truly wish we could somehow do the same at a few of the Psych Wards I’ve been in. This last one, being a most Traumatizing, unforgettable, Life-and-Mind-Changing Experience.

    Rather than whatever “Healing” the Doctor may have pretended to see happen, failed miserably!

    My takeaway from it was Fear of Institutionizatiion, A fruitless Searching for a better Psychiatrist; Learning I COULD NEVER TRUST ANOTHER DOCTOR, PSYCHIATRIST, THERAPIST, ADVOCACY GROUP MEMBER…, No-One in this Field…, Ever Again! Indeed, in my View, they’re all a Bunch of Dr. Mengelas…!

    They nearly Destroyed Who I Did Come to Be–a Lightworker! Nonetheless, the scars, the mistrust remain.

    My Applause for those with Courage enough (and the Friends outside) who’ll Dare do what she Did. We’re All One, and when Anyone suffers, We All Suffer; when I’m Well (and in time, I WILL) , so will All of Us!

    Ubuntu and Namastè, my friends! (Hug a Weird Stranger This month).