Category Archives: Health

Gorgeous, Calm Sea. Photo by Adam Dodge, cc ça. 2009 Seattle, WA, USA

Wrist Surgery Done-Recovery Begins

My Baldwin Studio Upright, Companion of 25+ Yrs. Bought Spring 1991
Gonna Miss playing You, Buddy! Photo, cc 2015, by Clarisse℠ , York, PA, USA

Hi Everyonne… (Pardon the misspellings; they’re so frequent now, it’d be impoîssie to try & corrrct them all–i.e.: Time-conuhvsuming/also, due to pain med side-effectsc …)

Surgery went eell lasted longer than predicted, wrist VERHY Painnvful2 of 5 fingers feel as iff they’re Broken. The slighest touch & they go into a 😩😩😩🤕😷😷…

Must go now!!!

Namasté cg n :-/

 post-Surgery arm. 

ma89/aka: Gaea’s Modwife 

Diagnosis: Fractured Distal Ulnar; Additional Fractures

Both Blogs Going Into Hiatus

UPDATE:

Surgery Recovery Moving Quickly, slowly Reverting to Right Hand. 

Just a quick entry to let everyone know what ws done, and still needs to be done. 

Stitches came off 2 weeks after Surgery and a new Custom-molded, (I’d rather have had a Cast than a Splint. (I’ll say more later; but can’t Complete this, rt now. 
Here are some photos, though: I’l label them later;)

 

  

ma89

_____________

Hi Everyone,

Things happen5, which completely send us on a tailspin–only to hope and pray  we don’t land without our Parachute open.

Such is the case here: Two (2) weeks ago, an unfortunate fall has left my right hand incapacitated at the wrist.

At a gas station, I tripped on a Pothole, near the pump, fell landing full on, straight on my right wrist. I couldn’t even get up.

Calls for Help, brought a Driver and a Policeman, who–seeing how bad my wrist looked–Called an Ambulance, which took me to Lancaster Regional Medical. A temporary cast was applied.

Surgery is tomorrow morning! Two plates will be inserted bypassing the wrist to connect right hand to the forearm.

My piano playing days are over!

I can’t describe how it felt…, the realization I’ll never play it again, like before!😩😩😩✔️

Entry POST-Surgery: 

XRay Courtesy  of OSS-York,  & its Radiology Dept.
Post-Surgery X-Ray, with 1 plate on wrist & Forearm+7Screws

Little bandages (and Custom-Molded Splint) Applied

A 2.5-hr-long Surgical procedure  followed by upteen PT Sessions, will partiaĺly restore range of motion.

Right now, it’s really hard doing it all using my Non-Dominant hand.

Threrefore, effective immediately, both blogs, (this one, and Gaea’s Midwife), are on Hiatus.

Namastè, Everyone, ManicArtist89 🌸💧

Hopes for a Loving Fall/Winter – Following Horrendous Summer

Where has Summer Gone? (It Didn’t Exist for me, at all–I Faced so many Challenges…)

Now, Tired, Weary, Somewhat Cynnical, Still facing Huge Challenges,

Though still Flumoxed on How I’ll Overcome them, I Know I WILL;


Unsure where I found this Photo below, but am always Moved and Encouraged by the Story it represents

It’s based on an Allegory, I’ll Paraphrase here:

Someone, who’d gone through excessive Travails, was shocked to see only one set of footsteps in the sand. Upon questioning Jesus about it, asking Him “Why hast thou abandoned me, at the worst of my times?” Jesus lovingly replied “It was at those times that I was carrying you…”

Footsteps in the Sand ❤

Unsure where I found this, but I've always found its meaning Moving and Encouraging


I Wrote the Following this Morning, during Breakfast, and Hope it is of Benefit to Others, as Well as to my Self.

  • May I have the Presence of Mind: Not to be Tricked, by People, Companies, Anything;
  • May I have the Astuteness: To always Ensure All Questions are answered, Before making a Decision;
  • May I Remain Connected to my Higher Self, my Intuition: and Always Listen to MySelf;
  • May My Heart Remain Calm: When faced with Setbacks;
  • May my ego move out of the way: When dealing with Outsourced Customer/Tech Services;
  • May I REMEMBER: EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE are MY BROTHERS & SISTERS IN SPIRIT;
  • TREAT THEM WITH LOVE… ❤

That’s it, for today.

Namastè, ma89🙂

What Makes a Friendship, a *Friend*-*ship?*

(by Necessity, this wil have to be sort of Generic, and non-specific to either time nor circumstance--lest anyone may be adversely 
affected)

It is incredibly frustrating–dealing with the vagaries of living with Attention Deficit Disorder; 4 Concussions, (3 in my Childhood, from falling, or running away from Bullies; one from being Assaulted at a Drive-in Theater, as a Young Adultall four Injuring the back of the Head, right at the bottom of the Skull; all four affecting my Frontal Lobe–nowadays, though the causes (war, rather than childhood carelessness, bullies) are different, the resulting “TBI,” or “Post-Concussive Syndrome”  is identical, and devastating.

When One must go through Life, with these added (Invisibly pervasively-disruptive, yet nearly-undetectable), dis-Abilities, misunderstandings, missed-out Social Cues, misinterpreted Actions, Disastrous Decisions, and/or Reactions are indeed par for the course, and (hard as it may be to Forgive OneSelf One’s perceived Guilt, or Pain), it is at these times it is Imperative we Lift Up our View, striving to See the Bigger Picture(s).

It is also Essential to Cultivate within One’s Self the Capacity of Total and Complete Forgiveness of Self–for Your Actions; of Others–for becoming inadvertently Hurt, (at times) Furious, (frequently) Angry and Frustrated enough to End the formerly Great Friendship. When this occurs, I’m unsure to Whom I feel more Compassion, and Sorrow for: The Friend, who in their Hurt State of Mind, Huffs and Puffs, indignantly, (leading the Other to make even more Confused, likely-uneeded, premature, impulsive, regrettable) Decisions–the Friendship Cracked Open…; Friends-no more; or the Other, who in their Unreliably Frontal Lobe’s Confusion and Perplexing Thought Process, Acts, or Says Something Irrevocably-Unpardonable…, at least, by the average Human Being, anyway–only to (if not immediately), soon after, albeit, too late, wish they could take it back.

For the Second time in five (5) years, my (Invisibly dis-)Abled, (miswired) Brain, caused a Rift with the second of my two Best Friends–Who, in turn, (Interpreting my Innocently-Meant Efforts at Mitigating a Greater Stress on the Friendship), as Insultingly-Disrespectful; I’ve no Idea, at this time, whether and if our Friendship can or will survive my brain’s malfeasance.

The Consequences from Miscommunicated Intentions            

(It’s been three months, since I began writing this; and truthfully, I don’t remember where I intended to go with this. Nonetheless, the portions I Had written before, are still relevant. Moreover, anyone who experiences any and/or all the above or similar conditions, will Understand perfectly where I intended to go with it, and be able to fill in the blanks. As for me, frankly, apologizing constantly gets old very fast…, it can even get you fired–this latter one I’ve experienced myself, so I Know it to be True! Therefore, no apologies for an unfinished post; the Third One in One day–Oops! I must be Manic😞…                                                           

Watch “Angellis Traballium by Clarisse℠ ©(P)1995; ©(V.P)…” on YouTube

Angellis Traballium by Clarisse ©(P)1995; ©(V.P) 2015

Well, All efforts to get this video published any other way have failed. I’m giving it another try–wish I could afford to go Premium, I’d publish an entire Album of my Piano Music.

OTOH, soon, I’ll be moving closer to my Spiritual Family–and there’s this Gorgeous, (and Gorgeous-sounding), 100-yr-old, very well-kept Cunningham Concert Grand Upright waiting for me, as soon as I move.

Problem is: Life keeps getting in the way of my moving–the latest, being finding out that only is there Nerve Damage, between my feet and spine; I’ve “mysteriously” developed “Scoliosis,” never before detected, and worst yet, learning that my “Falling” and “Walking as if I’m drunk” is partially ‘cuz “…apparently one of my legs is longer than the other…”

Why did it take 60 years, a 5-yr stint in a wheelchair (actually, 3 chairs), a failed marriage, when my Rock-Singing husband again felt Music’s Irresistible Siren call (look up Warren Jeffrey Motter), and, as a Musician myself, I understood it, and though initially I missed him, of course; eventually, I got over it, and am Happy for him following his Muse.

Why did it take at least two (2) Decades’-worth of searching for the answer, from Doctor, to Doctor, to Doctor, from Houston, from York, to Hershey, to Johns Hopkins, back to York…, (I’ll finish this later, or I’ll be late for Church tomorrow…)

Meanwhile, Shut-off your “Golden Ears” and enjoy the Music, overlooking the fact my Baldwin piano is now untuneable. The Song and ITS Message are What Matters.

Namastè,

(Note, my Posts, by nature, will reflect what is foremost in my mind, be it Health, Mental, Spiritual, Activist, etc. This blog is not meant to be in a Popularity Contest–and I know many of you feel the same way about your Blogs 😉
__________
(Entry from previous, failed post, introing same song:

Hi Everyone, Since I’m having soo much trouble Uploading this Video directly onto Gaea’s Midwife’s (Sister site to this one)–and since on my very first aattempt at Linking it with this Site…, I can “get” a hint: It appears the Universe wishes for this Musical Interlude be here, in my ma89 site, rather than the gaea’s midwife site.

So, here it is! Short and sweet; my 1995 Original Piece, “Angellis Traballium” (perhaps, sometime, soon, I’ll tell the Story of how it came into Existence, because I KNOW it’s a Story worth telling). Angellis Traballium by Clarisse

Namastè Everyone, and Enjoy! (WARNING: “Golden Eareds” are advised to skip it, lest your hearing goes out of tune 😉 (see notes on the youtube site). 😉

An “About me” that became a Post

About Me: Artist, Journalist, Piano Composer, Performer; Lifelong Advocate for Acommodations, for the “Invisibly dis-Abled”, on Par to That Afforded and Accorded to both: the Physically, and Intellectually-Challenged Populations, but NOT Us! There are Unjust, Asinine Laws in place, SPECIFICALLY SINGLING-OUT the Neuro-Biologically dis-Abled, for INFERIOR, USSR-like, LIMITED “(Mental) Health Care.”

We’re stuck with mediocre “5-minute-‘psychiatrists’,” who never bother making eye-contact, herding us, into their make-shift “Office,” eyes stuck on their Laptops; ask a few Pre-set questions, click “send” on the computer, with their prescriptions renewal directly to your Pharmacy; gets up from their chair, walks towards the door, herding you right out–THERE’s NO HUMAN INTERACTION, WHATSOEVER! (Speaking with other Individuals, from other Counties, we’ve concluded this to be a Wide Phenomenon, not just in my County).

This neglect by design of my Group of Individuals (see Blog‘s Name) is an abhorrent way of dealing with the 1 in 4 Americans, who’ll experience such circumstances in their Lifetimes! And, BTW, (at least in my State), if One is a “Dual Eligible” Patient (i.e.: Have Both Medicare AND Medicaid)–Psychiatrically-speaking–One is literally “Screwed

By LAW, EVEN IF WE PAY CASH TO THE PSYCHIATRIST OF OUR CHOICE, IT’s ILLEGAL FOR THAT PSYCHIATRIST TO SEE YOU…, (I know! I had a Hard time Believing it, too…, until I Researched it, and found there was Indeed such a Law).

(Considering all the Propaganda, and Fear-Mongering going on in the Mainstream media, about “Mentally-Disturbed,” and worst, as “Souless Killers“), this “Law” is one of the most Absurd, Discriminatory, Dangerous, Ridiculous, Asinine, Preposterous, Corrupt Laws I’ve ever heard about.

And furthermore, it is Taylor-made to affect an already-Embattled, Maligned, unjustly Feared, unjustly Treated, easily-killed by “Authorities, (barely) trained in Mental Health Issues…,

the most extremely Vulnerable of ALL this Country‘s…, Nay, the World’s Populations–those with Severe Mental Illness, (now quaintly designated within the Medical and Insuring Professions: “SMIs which is one more way to: 1. Dehumanize us/further exacerbating Stigma; and 2. Dilute out the Significance of the Truth:

“We’re Individuals, going through Life, with the Added Burden of Living and Dealing with one (or more) SEVERE MENTAL ILLNESS…,” (“SMIs!” How quaintly Insulting this Acronym is)!

Au Contraire–In SPITE of this Willful Neglect by Society and Authorities alike; In SPITE of Stigma, We’re thriving, as Artists, Writers, Poets, Painters, Thinkers, Visionaries, Presidents, Movers and Shakers, Governors, Cultural Creatives,…, ALL OF WHOM carry within themSelves this awful Stigma-based Secret:what’‘ll happen if my Constituency (my Fans, my Board of Directors, the Guy Running for Office, who suddenly stopped answering your Communications, for whom you were to play the Piano…) finds out I’m on an “Anti-Mania,” or an “Anti-Psychotic,” or an “Anti-Anxiety” Medication?

I’ll be ‘Ruined’!” So they Distance themselves from You…, as if You’ve the Plague!

Of course, in a Society ruled by sane people, this scenario wouldn’t occur. Too bad the opposite is the Truth.

I’m Done! (With the Diatribe portion).


I may Write about much and diverse Subjects, most gleaned from my Own “Buttons”–which Life has pushed on me–to figure out how to deal with.

Underneath it ALL, the Underlying “raisón d’être” for All I Do, Comes Back to a Single Purpose: “Living and Dealing with Life–its challenges, epiphanies, Spiritual Growth and Joy, whilst Surviving and Thriving In Spite of a DevastatinglyLife-and-Relationships-Disrupting Condition called: “Manic Depression.” (I don’t like calling it “Bipolar” as there are huge amounts of Misinformation, Misconception and Double-Speak in its “Bipolar-…” Nomenclature).


It’s Time I’d Show the World the Real “Face of “Mental Illness:” (mine)

Featured image

Photo, Self-Portrait, by Clarisse, 2011, PA, USA

Here it is, World: The Face of an “SMI” Individual!.

(Do I Look “Crazy” to You?) Me neither!


Finally: What Defines me Best?

I’m An Advocate! Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow…, until my Natural Transition Time comes.🙂 ma89

A Pause for Blue Ribbon Minds Month

Hi, This entry is in Response to a Story Re a Secret Vid Released by an Incarcerated Transgender Woman. Since–though a Hetero, myself–I personally do have LGBTH Friends, these Issues touch me.

OTOH, since May is “Blue Ribbon Minds Month”–and I’ve been carrying this story with me, it happened to me, in 2012–I’m now making it Public here, for the first Time.

(Please Note This entry was originally written, as a Comment on Someone else’s Blog. Since it became so long, I placed it here, instead): l

The same problem (forbiddance of ANYTHING with a Mic and/or Camera, along with severe maltreatment by staff) also exists in Hospital (Adult “Baby-Sitting”) “Psych” Wards–supposedly “treating” the Vulnerable Individuals , who are placed there, Voluntarily or involuntarily. For the Record, this isn’t something like “Hearsay ,” or any such thing! As my Blog’s Name implies: “manicartist…” I’m an Individual with a Genetically-Inherited, Lifelong (Blessing in Disguise) condition, called “Manic Depression,” (currently fadishely called “Bipolar… This, or That.“). Frankly, from what I’ve personally experienced, on five separate, vastly different occasions, under different circumstances–with, but a Single Exception, at an Expensive, Private, “Hospital” which appeared more a Resort SPA, than a Psychiatric Hospital–Three of the Five Hospitals had Staff and Policies, not unlike that mid-1970s’ Movie, “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,” (with Jack Nicholson), most even had the Quintessential “Nurse Ratchet,” One, in Houston, Texas, had both, Ratchet, an Overly-muscled Bully…err Security guard, so big his standing in the Middle of the Lock up Ward, left little space for the actual Patients

I Often Felt it was THEY, the Ones, Who Should Be Locked-Up, by the ” Men in the White Coats;” Not Us In my View, the level of…, (passive-aggressive…, dare I say: bordering on Cruel…), their Behavior towards Us is not Only Extremely Traumatizing, Inhumane…, It was/Is Downright Criminal!

Therefore, the Issue here, is HOW WE’RE TREATED, while (essentially) “Incarcerated.”

My Experience was nothing Healthy. It was all Harrowingly Traumatizing–and this is the 1st time I make it Public, (after all, May IS “Blue Ribbon Minds” Month).

It was late May, 2012; my Youngest Son was about to go on a Year-long Bicycle/Camping Trip, through Eurasia, starting with 2.5 months in China, always going West.

My stress Level was extremely High, but otherwise–though Worried, as any Loving Mother, in her Right Mind, Would–I was Stable.

Since my “15-minute Psychiatrist” wasn’t the type to Listen to me, I’d made a timed 15-Min Video of myself, hoping to simply give him a “Heads-Up” of what type of Motherly ordeal I was about to go through, until Mid-2013.

As Someone who Lives with a set of Conditions such as mine, I Believed it The Responsibly sensible thing to Do.

Boy, was I WRONG! <

Since I did have a history of Suicide Attempts–the last being nearly 30 years ago, and I no longer believed in such Solution to problems–I naively told him on the Video, using the big "S" word he needn't worry, due to my Knowings (ie: Reincarnation, etc), such wouldn’t be cause of concern.

Before he even finished the Video, he put my iPod Touch down, took some Notes, made a brief Phone call, and in about 10-15 minutes, I was met outside his office by 2 Female Nurses, accompanied by 2 “Butchie” (man-like) Female Armed Guards; all 4 of whom stayed with me until the Ambulance Arrived.

Immediately upon spotting the guns, a rising m yet well-guarded Panic attack began rising within me. Since I was nicely dressed in a Classy Paisley Midi, split Skirt, and Matching sleeveless Blouse, and my Hair was up done Casually but Stylishly, I don’t wear Makeup, they did treat me with Dry Cordiality.

During the Ride, fearing the worst, And seized by a Panic Attack, I made the mistake of Deleting my Video Message…, Now I had No proof my (former) Psychiatrist’d lie through his teeth about my condition, both for my Admission, and 5 days later to a Judge, trying to keep me in, 21 additional days.

Upon arrival at “3North” Ward, (as it is known by the community), I was dispossessed of EVERYTHING, sandals and all; all I was allowed to keep were my Skirt, panty, and Blouse, no Bra Allowed, no Hair Pins, only a Simple HeairBand for a Ponny tail was given me. For the next five (5) days, I was systematically DENIED Medications I needed, whilst Medicated with Medication I’d taken in the past with bad Results…, this latter, and their Refusal at providing me Valerian Root tea (Nature’s Xanax), and Dandelion Root tea (Nature’s Valium), somehow Uninhibited my “No-Cussing” self-Policy, and every day at around 2pm, out came the extremely Labile, Saylor-Mouthed (someone else from within me, I could neither stop, nor recognize) who did not let up her Cynicism, Mouthiness, Rudeness (Mind you, this behavior was strictly directed To Staff and Doctors, alike, NOT other Patients, with most of Whom, I got along quite well).

I also couldn’t stop being ultra-cynnical, (reportedly) Disruptive, during the Silliest of Groups, we had each afternoon–led by a(n obviously-untrained) Nurse’s Aide, going through the “News” of the day ,(all-Censored, of course), from the local Newspaper.

Since my Bachelors is Print Journalism, with a large Dose of Philosophy (E and W), including Self-audited Courses from Oxford University’s Philosophy Dept, via Podcasts, in Critical Thinking, Logic, and Anything else Prof. Marianne Talbot would Lecture about.

I’d uncontrollably blurt out what I thought of those “News.”

All the same, not just me, we were all Infantilized, treated as if we were two-year-olds, yet expected to Behave to Staff and each other like Mature, Stable, 50-Something Un-Medicated Individuals…

The way we were treated with threats of being locked in our rooms, for hours, the Lack of Real Activities, being made fun of, not being listened to–treated worse than children, all of it, has allowed me to (years later), realize WHY they confiscated my Sole Source of Meditative Music and Uplifting, Anxiety-Reducing Device (my iPod Touch): not only did it have a Mic and Camera, it could also record Vids, and connect to the Outside, Via WiFi.

Thus, ultimately, like the Transgender Woman and her Treatment in the Georgia Jail, Mirrors somewhat, HOW we, the so-called “Mentally Ill” have, are, and still will be, in the foreseable future, “Treated” either in Jail or in Hospital’s Psych Wards. The Total Lack of Freedom, and Truly Insane Treatment we’re dished-out, is nearly the same.

In my Case, the Hospital’s staff always searched Visitors and whatever was brought to me. They also would do “sweeps” of our rooms when we were busy elsewhere in the ward–things disappeared, went to the wrong side, from where they’d been…, our Fragile Minds made even more Fragile by their totally incompetent, Inhumane, Idiotic, Unnecessarily Cruel, Infantilizing OverDrugging, Poor-Food Choices (I’m Vegetarian & they literally made fun of my refusing to eat meat, esp. when I said I didn’t wish to “lower my Energetic Frequency, by doing so…” (something which is perfectly Normal in my System of Understanding of Life). Their comment to the Doctor about this, was Ignorantly disparaging, at best; Utterly Incompetent, at its Worst.

Reading about this Secret Video, made me truly wish we could somehow do the same at a few of the Psych Wards I’ve been in. This last one, being a most Traumatizing, unforgettable, Life-and-Mind-Changing Experience.

Rather than whatever “Healing” the Doctor may have pretended to see happen, failed miserably!

My takeaway from it was Fear of Institutionizatiion, A fruitless Searching for a better Psychiatrist; Learning I COULD NEVER TRUST ANOTHER DOCTOR, PSYCHIATRIST, THERAPIST, ADVOCACY GROUP MEMBER…, No-One in this Field…, Ever Again! Indeed, in my View, they’re all a Bunch of Dr. Mengelas…!

They nearly Destroyed Who I Did Come to Be–a Lightworker! Nonetheless, the scars, the mistrust remain.

My Applause for those with Courage enough (and the Friends outside) who’ll Dare do what she Did. We’re All One, and when Anyone suffers, We All Suffer; when I’m Well (and in time, I WILL) , so will All of Us!

Ubuntu and Namastè, my friends! (Hug a Weird Stranger This month).